How to Get Through December When it's Nothing Like You Imagined

What do you do when the most wonderful time of the year feels like the worst?

When the world is wrapped in lights, joy, and family traditions—and you’re wrapped in grief?

If you're reading this and feeling that deep ache in your chest, I want you to know: you're not alone.
And more importantly—there’s nothing wrong with how you’re feeling.

The Holiday You Imagined vs. The One You’re Living

Maybe this was supposed to be your baby’s first Christmas. Maybe you thought you'd be hanging a new stocking or introducing them to your favorite holiday traditions.

Instead… there's silence. There’s a stocking missing. There’s a future that changed in an instant.

I remember planning for my twins’ arrival during the holidays—decorating early, shopping early—because I expected them to be born around Christmas. I imagined holding them by the tree. But the season I got looked nothing like that dream.

And I know I’m not alone. So many of the moms I work with say the same things:

“I don’t even recognize my life right now.”
“The joy everyone else feels just reminds me of what I’ve lost.”
“Everything feels off, but I don’t know how to make it better.”

This season amplifies the gap between what we expected and what actually is. And grief lives in that gap.

Why the Holidays Hurt So Much After Loss

The truth is, grief doesn’t take a break for the holidays. If anything, this time of year makes it louder.

Here's why the holidays hit so hard:

• Everything is centered around children and family. Your mind had already created magical visions of what this season would look like with your baby in it.

• The world expects joy. The pressure to feel grateful, festive, and present is heavy—and often completely at odds with what you're feeling inside.

• Your pain feels invisible. Other people may not understand how deeply you're hurting, especially if your loss happened months or even years ago.

• Everything becomes a trigger. Stores, songs, cards, conversations—one minute you're fine, and the next you're unraveling.

This isn’t just sadness. It’s grief in a world that’s asking you to smile.

What You're Feeling Is Normal

Let’s say this loud and clear:
You don’t need to pretend. You don’t need to “get it together.”
You don’t need to show up for everyone else if it costs you your peace.

Whether you're feeling…

• Angry at happy families

• Numb and disconnected

• Guilty for not being more present

• Frustrated that no one else seems to notice what’s missing

...it’s okay. These are all normal grief responses.

Some moms skip the holidays entirely. Others go through the motions in a fog. You may cry through dinner, or find yourself laughing one moment and sobbing the next. It doesn’t mean you’re “doing it wrong.” It means you're human.

How to Take Care of Yourself This Holiday Season

This year can be different—not because you’ll suddenly feel better, but because you’ll give yourself permission to do what you need.

Here are five gentle steps to help:

1. Give Yourself Permission to Do Less

Let go of expectations. You do not have to show up the way you always have. You can skip the traditions. You can cancel the gathering. You can say no—even if you’ve always said yes.

One year, I skipped our Christmas Eve party. Too many people. Too much noise. Too many questions. I went back the next year—but that first year, I needed space. And that’s okay.

2. Create a Small Way to Honor Your Baby

Even a quiet, private ritual can help. Some ideas:

• Hang a special ornament

• Light a candle every evening

• Set out a stocking or keepsake

• Write your baby a holiday letter

This isn't about replacing the sadness—it’s about making space for love.

3. Communicate What You Need

Let your people know:

“This year might look different for me.”
“I may need to step away—or not come at all.”
“Please avoid baby talk or pregnancy announcements.”

You get to protect your heart. You get to ask for what you need.

4. Plan Ahead for Triggers

What’s going to be the hardest part? Seeing your niece’s baby? The gift exchange? Christmas morning?

Plan for those moments:

• Step outside for air

• Text a safe friend

• Wear a grounding bracelet

• Leave when you need to

Being ready doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re wise.

5. Know That Joy and Grief Can Coexist

You might laugh. You might smile. And you might feel guilty about it.

But joy does not mean you’ve forgotten.
Grief and joy are both love, expressed in different ways.
And love is allowed to look like both.

A Final Word: You Will Get Through This

This season may look nothing like you hoped. It may feel completely wrong. But it doesn’t mean your holiday is meaningless.

Your baby is still part of your story. And the way you love and remember them can be just as real and sacred—even if it's quiet. Even if no one else sees it.

You will survive this season.
You will smile again—when you're ready.
And your love for your baby will always, always matter.

Need More Support?

If this resonated with you and you’re looking for gentle guidance to move into the new year, I’m hosting a free live workshop: "Rebuilding After Loss"—a space where we’ll talk about how to carry your baby’s memory into a future that feels meaningful, not forced.

🗓 Next Session:
💻 Register at navigatingbabyloss.com/workshop
(If you’re seeing this after the date, check the page for future workshops.)

You don’t have to do this alone.
Your baby matters. Your grief matters. You matter.
And you deserve support that honors all of it.

For more support, register for my FREE workshop Here